Oh Honey…No

Can I Hear You Now?…Good! March 12, 2009

Filed under: what the...? — Amy @ 3:04 pm

Confession: I love the commercials for all of the “As Seen on TV” crap such as the Snuggie (everyone’s favorite blanket with sleeves that’s really just a backwards robe) and the Stick Up Bulb (basically a flashlight without a handle).  I once watched an infomercial for the Tobi for about 20 minutes, completely mesmerized and thinking, “I would use that every day,” before I snapped out of it and went to bed.  In my defense, it was 2 in the morning, and as we all know, fatigue clouds judgment.  I think all of these products are absolutely ridiculous, and the commercials for them are even more ridiculous yet surprisingly enlightening.  For example, had it not been for the Snuggie commercial I would have never known just how cumbersome blankets are.  All my life I had believed that it was possible to answer the phone while snuggled under a blanket.  Oh how wrong I was!  Thank you, Snuggie, for showing me the truth.

Anyways, this past weekend it was brought to my attention that eavesdropping on other people’s conversations has apparently become increasingly difficult.  But no need to worry.  Now you can be a stalker too with your very own Loud ‘n Clear.

Here are a few of my favorite lines from the commercial.  “What can you do when it’s hard to hear, but you don’t want to miss hearing a word?…Simply turn up the volume on what people around you are saying!…So powerful you can even hear conversations from across the street….Ever wonder what people are saying when you can’t hear them?  With Loud ‘n Clear you can discretely listen in.”  If that doesn’t sound like something from a How-To-Be-A-Creepy-Stalker book, I don’t know what does.

But my favorite part about this ridiculous product is the fact that they made it look like a bluetooth headset.  Because if you’re hard of hearing, why would you want some small discrete hearing aid when you could wear this and look like one of the “cool kids” with their fancy bluetooth headsets?*see side rant*  So if you need help eavesdropping on what the neighbors have to say, just use the money you got from Cash4Gold and buy yourself a Loud ‘n Clear today! (Stalkers’ binoculars and how-to book not included)

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*Side rant about bluetooth headsets* Ok…I have no problem with people using these so they can talk on their cell phones while driving, but is it really that difficult to switch back to a normal phone once you get out of your car?  Because half the time people don’t see the little thing attached to your ear and you just end up looking like some moron wandering around Wal-Mart talking to yourself.


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Don’t Do That Ever Ever Ever… March 7, 2009

Filed under: my life — Amy @ 7:02 pm

I tried putting this on my favorite quotes on facebook, but it wouldn’t let me. So I’m putting it here.

This was a conversation between my mom and my sister after my mom gave her cell number out to some stupid website quiz thing.  Her phone suddenly went nuts with text messages from this website, but since she didn’t know how to get them to stop,  I had to unsubscribe her number from it:

Traci – “And did we learn a lesson here?”
Mom – *grumbling* “Don’t do things I know I’m not supposed to do.”
Traci – “That’s a great generic life lesson. Care to narrow it down?”
Mom – “Don’t look at things on the internet.”
Traci – “How about you just don’t do the stupid quizzes on facebook.”
Mom – “But it’s there everyday! Just staring at me!”
Traci – “You can click ‘ignore’ and it will go away.”
Me – “Wait…was this a facebook application or one of those stupid ads on the side of the screen?”
Mom – *grumbling* “It was an ad.”
Traci – “You clicked on an ad? Didn’t you learn not to click ads in 1997?”
Mom – *sheepish* “No…I just wanted to know how many triangles there were.” *suddenly angry* “Great! Now my cell phone number is out there somewhere and I’ll probably get all of these stupid texts.” *brief pause, and then she gets this epiphany* “Oh, hey! Maybe I’ll get texts now!”

So the lesson is, don’t do things you know you’re not supposed to do ever ever ever ever…but hey, maybe someone will actually text my mom now (not that she knows how to text them back)

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Sorry to Burst Your Bubble, But the Year is 2009…Not 9

Filed under: Ugly shoes — Amy @ 2:00 pm

Things I hate, in no particular order:

1.  Tomatoes

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2.  Soprano Saxophones (and by extension, Kenny G)

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3.  Babies dressed as plants *cough*anngeddes*cough*

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4.  Gladiator Sandals

I don’t know who started the recent trend of the Gladiator Sandals, but they deserve to be locked in a room and forced to listen to Kenny G while eating tomatoes and staring at Ann Geddes pictures for hours on end.  And if that sounds good to you, you seriously need to rethink your standards of fun.  So what brought on this recent rant about gladiator sandals?  DSW, my favorite shoe store (and a little piece of heaven on earth) sends me emails about sales, trends, and what they call their “style guide.”  My sister asked me if I had seen the most recent style guide, so I logged into my email and was greeted by this atrocity:

dsw-style-guide-sandals

Why?!  For some reason, the bottom of this picture got cut off, but at the bottom it said, “These shoes are great alternatives to flip flops. They’re so versatile, you can WEAR THEM WITH ALMOST ANYTHING!”  Ugh!  I will tolerate the wearing of these sandals under one condition:  It’s the first century a.d. and you’re fighting in the colloseum, because then maybe the lions will have a chance to eat these hideous shoes.