When I was 17 I was kicked out of Young Women promoted to Relief Society, and since then I have picked up some wonderful gems of wisdom. A couple of years ago my neighbor and I began keeping a list of some of the more interesting things we have learned. This year in my ward, the relief society presidency has decided to have one lesson a month about the Relief Society Theme/Motto/Declaration or whatever it’s called (which I didn’t even know existed until about a week ago). Anyways, during the lesson the instructor asked us what were some things we had learned over the years in Relief Society. The people who answered gave nice spiritual answers, and I had to keep myself from laughing because all I could think about was this list that I have decided to share here.
- Satan is in charge of Victoria’s Secret. I think this one occurred during a lesson on modesty, or something like that. One woman went off on the JC Penny’s catalogs and how scandalous it was that they included advertisements for bras and panties. Somehow this led into some big discussion about how Satan is trying to poison our minds through these advertisements, and therefore Satan is in charge of Victoria’s Secret. Umm…I’m thinking no. However, if I’m wrong and Satan really is the mastermind behind Victoria’s Secret, then let me just say that he makes some really comfy pajamas. Moving on, this discussion that Sunday also led to item 2 on the list.
- Satan is in charge of NBC. This was concluded along the same lines as the previous item, during a discussion about Satan and the media. But once again, I’m thinking no.
- We should sin in moderation. Go ahead and sin, but do it sparingly. To be fair, the teacher didn’t mean for this to sound like an open invitation to go crazy; she was trying to get the point across that we should be more aware of our actions and try to be more Christlike, but this line was just too good to pass up.
- We should completely give up watching TV and reading because those are sins. Essentially, avoid all media. Once again, to be fair, the person who made this wonderful blanket statement meant that we should be more aware of the things we watch and read. However, for those who may be concerned, according to #3 these can still be done in moderation.
- The Holy Ghost goes to bed at midnight. This is one of my favorites, and it’s one I heard more than once while I lived in a singles ward in Provo. I never asked about what time he gets up.
- Satan will appear in the form of a unicorn. This one was really just one of my snarky comments that I said to my neighbor, but she thought it was funny and put it on the list. This is actually a written list that she keeps with her church stuff, and one day one of her cousins (who is about 9 years old) found the list and for a few minutes was afraid that Satan really was going to appear as a unicorn.
That’s all that’s on the list right now, but if I hear anything else I’ll let you know.